Saturday, April 28, 2012

I Am Not A Yeti

I am awake at 5:24 am.  The reason for my being awake at this time of day is because I have a roommate who has an alarm clock.  My roommate is out of town for the night, but his alarm clock was still set to go off at 5 am.  Thus I am awake.  And I must let it be known that I am not a fan of my roommate's alarm clock.  In my attempt to go back to sleep, I was unable to quiet my brain from thinking the most random thoughts, so I decided to come here to write an entry.

First thought to discuss: My hair. For those of you who know me, I have been unemployed for the last 4 months.  One result of this unemployment is that I have had a very limited cash flow and it has caused me to sacrifice things that I normally enjoy on a regular basis.  Activities such as eating out, or going to the movies, or pretty much anything that costs money.  I also could not afford a haircut, and therefore I have not gotten my haircut in nearly 4 months.

But I'm glad to say that I have recently gained employment once again, and my cash flow problem is slowly becoming resolved.  For the last week, I have been debating on whether or not I should cut my hair or grow it out.  I have never grown my hair out before, but rather I normally wear it cropped short on the sides and spiked on top.  In my mind, I would like to think that if I grew my hair out I would look like Keith Urban, but in reality I fear that I would more closely resemble Chewbacca.

I am not designed for long hair.  I have an internal temperature that one might compare to the core of the earth.  Molten.  Cold weather is my friend.  Unfortunately for me, I live in Texas.  Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy living here.  Texas is not known, however, for cold weather.  A Texas summer maintains average daytime temperatures ranging from 100 to 106 degrees, and there is little relief at night from the hot climate.  Add to this fact that I drive a '96 Geo Tracker (POS) that does not have functioning air conditioning.

And we are nearly in the month of May, which signals the beginning of the hot weather here in Texas.  I don't think this is a good time for me to begin experimenting with growing my hair.  So, I believe that I am going to give in and cut my hair.  It was a good thought while it lasted, but I don't think I can handle it.  Unfortunately, I know that with a shorter hair style my face looks rounder, but at least it won't make me sweat as much.

Second thought to discuss: have you ever heard of the Chaos Theory?  It's often referred to in popular culture as The Butterfly Effect.  The theory behind the butterfly effect  describes how small changes to a seemingly unrelated thing or condition can affect large, complex systems.  For example, initially the theory stated that if a butterfly flapped it's wings in South America, it could have an adverse affect on the weather in North America thereby indicating that the tiniest influence on one part of a system can have a huge effect on another part.

Other forms of this theory in popular culture have been related to time travel and state that if someone traveled back in time to change one minor detail in the past, an entirely new series of events would transpire in a new alternate future based on that one event in time.  This is assuming of course that time travel were even possible in the first place.

But I'm not thinking of this theory in the methods that I've mentioned.  I'm thinking of it more in the terms of how one small action can influence a change in the world we live in.  That by simply smiling at a stranger and saying hello can possibly change the course of a day in that person's life.  Or taking a moment to help someone in need could potentially save a life.  It's kind of like the pay it forward movement.  Doing something nice for three people, and then they do something for three people and so on.  It's possible to spread joy and happiness throughout the world by doing something small.

I don't know if there is any merit to The Butterfly Effect.  Honestly it seems unlikely.  But I do know the power of a smile and a kind word.  And I believe that a small action of kindness and love can change the world, even if only for just one person.  Do you think it's possible to change the world through a smile?

If so, I should smile more.  And I should get a haircut.

Well, now that was a sufficiently mindless entry.  I don't even know why you stayed and read that.  You may now carry on about your day.


  1. Relapse sucks the big one! Don't give up trying to get back on track, find your way to realizing that food (despite the highs, the ecstasy) is truly the PROBLEM & not the solution. Accept you can't get out of it without some sort of weird, inexplicable surrender thing like the boys in the Big Book did. For me it helped to admit that I was powerless not just over my trigger foods but all of it: food, just the whole food, eating, my desires & ideas around it, all of it: food period.

  2. Remember food is actually CAUSING the depression, extreme moods, etc that we use food to numb. Food (overeating/drugging with it) f***s us up. After a while in abstinence you will feel better but you have to get through the initial lousy/crazy/uncomfortable period first. And DON'T blame yourself, it's a disease, it's not a moral issue, it's not your fault - just ACCEPT (& surrender to) the reality of it. If you were dealing with heroin instead would you ever think it made sense to give it on more try, one more bite, or that you could control it? These are things that have worked for me lately. Good luck! Don't give up trying to get to the point of surrender.

  3. I can really relate to you and your story, on many levels. Overweight as a kid, still as an adult. Tried liquid diets, hypnosis, weight watchers and almost did gastric bypass. I stopped that before it got too far because I know too many people that have died from it or complications.

    I think you are being a bit too hard on yourself with your weight. We do use food as a drug but society sets us up for it.

    I don't want to ramble more than I have with my first reply but just know you have another supporter on your side.

  4. I hope you post again, josh. I just watched the intervention and your own follow up and see how you found your feet for a while. Coming out must have been huge! Good for you.

    Re: eating. Well what's worked for me is largely habit I think. I balk now at the portion sizes I used to devour. But something preceded all that. For me I think it was a comfort and vision. I'd feel and look mist like me at around 140. And so I backed into that. "Just a snack for dinner tonight thanks ...we ate lunch st the OG. baby steps. They shape your life.

    You're amazing.